i thought i would blog some things that are irritating me. but perhaps not. it is better to dwell on the goodness of the Lord. count my blessings to cheer myself up. this is not being in denial. it is being in the joy of the Lord.

the joy of the the Lord is my strength.

am listening to "The Power of Your Love" musical. this is a musical that we are going to do for Easter'06. It narrates the whole Easter story. I wish I can have a better word to use. It's not a story... it's more than a fact. This love is far greater and wonderful than anything. If you think you like the love depicted in Korean shows... it is even better than that. The love that brings us through life. I don't know how I can say it.. because I'm just so overwhelmed in the songs and His love.. I know with many more practices upcoming, I will tear even more. not because of the stress, but the magnitude of God's love in the death and resurrection of Jesus. I must remember this love always. such joy and such love.

I must dwell in this love than what I am going through.

don't live as though people owe you. we owe God even more - all that we have... even our lives.

at lunches in church, we talk about anything under the sun & one of the linking topics is always marriage. i think and i hope that i have really gone past the phase of wanting to fall in love. i think being in church everyday helps me to focus and stop hoping for things that may not be quite necessary for me now. yes, i still whisper in my prayers that He will show me when and who. well, i don't think it will come any soon. on my part, i'm focused on developing my faith to a deeper level and serving in a different way. i think this way is good. Having God's love and loving Him back is definitely way stable than investing in human love. of course, to each its own. they are of different wavelengths, different purposes..

In You

What the world brings to you:
- a place to live
however this place dying with depletion of resources. how long can this earth last?
- fun
it's short-lived
- exploration & discovery
surely Someone created them. I don't believe in "Big Bang" theory. If there is an atom/a rock that went KABOOM.. Someone must have placed it there. this Person is definitely divine.

This world brings evil ways. the drinking, the smoking, the casual sex, the wars, the condemnation, the wrong ideas of life. consequences - pain in physical, mental and emotional.

What God promises:
- an eternal place
life on earth is temporal. There's a better place to be in, where there will be no more pain and sorrow.
- hope
of life. things unseen, yet hoped for. If you can see, there's nothing to hope for.
- love
the extent of letting Someone who is sinless to die for my wretchedness and sins.
- grace
when sin abounds, grace abounds even more. yet not sinning all the more. victorious life to live.

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my emotions are rollercoasting. i need to find stability. my life, my faith, my emotions must not be dependent on the happenings. they must be in the Lord.

my life is in You, Lord
my strength is in You, Lord
my hope is in You, Lord
in You, it's in You.

thank God that everything is getting better.
i need to find God real all over again...
just in an awkward position.

Dental Checks

went to t. liwei's clinic today. was quite an adventure. think juli & i are rather smart with directions. not surprising since we were able to get around in KL/Malacca. (jerm, i wish you would rub some of this smartness from us. :P) but well, like i said we were smart. we got to t.liwei's clinic with half-past-six direction written on juli's little notebook. :P i think we got there on time.

and so i went for my dental checks first (juli was second). it was many years ago since i last had the checks. hm, was pretty fascinated with the vacuum/"saliva suckers" that were in my mouth. i did fillings of chipped tooth, cleaned up my teeth properly. had to do another filling on another chipped tooth actually, but next time says t. li wei. and well, i am considering more now about putting braces after much hesitation for so long. after mid-year i guess. i hope i would be able to take the pain. oh, and i have one missing tooth and one baby tooth is still in the set. (so kenneth, i'm still a baby like you. :P)

i think i enjoyed my dental checks today. it was fun and t.li wei was assuring. i thought he would scold me for not doing checks often. but my teeth aint as bad as i thought it would be. and dental checks aint that scary actually. (: i think i dont mind going often. :P

Into Your hand I commit my spirit

Pastor's msg at each morning devotion is always encouraging & inspiring. but i've got one problem. i can only remember the main point but not the rest of what he said which are equally encouraging & sobering. have been wanting to blog about each morning devotion but finding it hard. i dont think i am disrepectful. i paid attention. but i've always got this problem of recalling. no quite recalling but facts & info dont quite stay in my mind for very long. i have been forgetful. i think i have a slow mind too.

i think the issue of my lack of confidence is real. i know i want to do things, but i worry alot about not meeting up to the standards. it can get to me. it is almost like "the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." lack of confidence, inferior complexity is a pride problem. it means i'm looking at myself. i should stop looking at myself, stop worrying.

"For You are my rock and my fortress;
Therefore, for Your name's sake,
Lead me and guide me.
Pull me out of the net which they have secretly laid for me,
For You are my strength.
Into Your hand I commit my spirit,
You have redeemed me, O Lord God of truth."
Psalm 31: 3-5

I often ask the Lord for strength and grace for the uplifting of my own spirit and for my own spiritual walk. Yet I think I never really commit my spirit to the Lord, saying "Whatever, Lord". Meant to be a sense of assurance of God's guidance in no matter what. Meant to have a sense of commitment of my part. Commitment to God, to ministry, to people. I must learn not to be inward-looking.

I pray for much joy.

chinese treasures

i am thrilled.
ai-leen and i were just talking about chinese christian songs for cny party item and she forwarded a compilation of them. as i looked through them, i began to find them familiar. partly because most of them are the chinese version of the many praise songs we sing in church. (i.e. from the rising of the sun). but as i took many closer looks and began to recall, chinese songs that were once my favourites surfaced in my mind. and i began to sing them, however often stammered because some words were forgotten. my sister, felicia began to sing with me too. we began to talk about our favourite chinese songs. haha, being so thrilled and excited, felicia went to ransack cupboards of old music files and scores. we found treasures. we found scores of songs that i want to introduce to ai-leen for cny item. intially thought all were lost but we found them. now, i am just so excited to let ai-leen see them because they are really cool stuff.

such treasures... who knows? perhaps it is a ministry to start. :P

i love these pics.

When You said, "Seek My face,"
My heart said to You, "Your face I will seek."
Teach me Your way, O Lord,
And lead me in a smooth path...
- Psalm 27:8, 11

Pastor shared these verses today at the morning devotions before we began the day at kindy. It was a short but sobering lesson. Seeking the Lord's face is about finding favour with God and pleading to God for mercy. and seeking the Lord is not being half-hearted in the process or do-it-when-you-feel-like-it. it requires your spirit (I will seek) and your heart.

like what pastor said, there's a lot to learn and a lot of things to unlearn. i must not thinking that i am always walking right in the Lord. i must be willing to learn & unlearn! yes, i will yield my heart to it.

back.
came back from Malacca. bought many things for different people and also for myself. just realised i gotten the wrong size for the pair of jeans i bought. how silly is that?! now i'm thinking of passing that pair to felicia and get a new pair myself. but that pair is just so comfortable to wear. sheesh.

took quite abit of photos. shall try to post it when i get the pictures. :P

2006
i had a thought just now.
we are back to january. we have gone one round of a year. and it's a new year now. all over again. it suddenly dawned upon me as scary because one year passed by so fast-ly. it certainly felt like everything was just yesterday. i guessed this year has been filled with unexpected challenges & changes but very much fumbling yet picking myself up, steadying and continuing to hope and walk in the Lord. maybe all these made the year come around sooooo fast.

next year, there are greater challenges ahead. but i'm really glad that there are many new and fresh opportunities for me to grow, exponentially. i'm glad that work is serving and serving is work. this is the best job ever to have.

that reminds me of something. i'm glad that the Lord has given me people that i can encourage and knowing that i do have a faith to share. but yet, there are still many areas for me to polish up and improve on. many more things to achieve next year.

here i come, 2006.