It takes time for God to help you and me to grow in faith, thoughts and heart to be there. Let's just wait upon the Lord. (:

I failed my Advanced driving theory again. I really wondered why it is so tough to pass when the questions aren't difficult. Mr Lau said I must have more than 6 wrong answers. Gosh! 6 wrong out of 50!! I have to retake. Think it would be in April. Haha! I learnt how to reverse the car today. But driving in car park is so difficult, the turns and the bends. Mr Lau made me go three to four rounds in the car park today. It's quite tiring but I love driving lessons anyhow.

I just can't wait for the weekend to come. Many things to look forward to... *grin*. I get to play for JSS I and CWI this Sunday. Just can't wait to get to the piano to practise their songs and of course, to meet them after so long. Actually only 3 weeks. I think I really like kids... they bring such joy despite the noise. So perhaps going into NIE and being a primary school teacher isn't a bad idea at all! (:

I just can't smile without you...

random: svp salut, cher

Many thoughts, many issues... but I'll blog each thought at a time after I've thought through.

1) School
Despite the fact that I've started school for only 3 weeks, I have already handed in a couple of assignments and reports. It has been pretty stressful for me to do the reports and proposal. Inadequency (lack of confidence) in writing and issues of group mates. But one thing I never fail to miss is that the Lord only put me in situations that I can handle and never what's beyond me. He is so gracious and merciful. I think He is actually a very interesting God. (Ha!)

Nothing can beat the relief I felt each time when I've completed the work. Each time I looked back, the Lord was there to bring people in to help me, to give me a state of mind when things was going wrong and of course to give the strength to complete the work. Isn't it interesting to see how God work marvellously each time?

Right now, I just want to dwell on His goodness even as I face more challenges in schoolwork. I must learn to discover God in a deeper and special way rather than what the benefits He can bless me with. (:

random: je veux être avec vous.

it's almost 1am on a Sunday morning. I just finished what I can do for my project proposal, a resubmission. Did I not say? Yes, it is a resubmission because my lecturer in-charge wasn't convinced at our proposal. In fact, he was very disappointed and very angry. It was a slack job to him. Well, yes, it is a slack job on our part. All the parts were done badly and the formatting of the proposal was atrocious.

I am glad that I am doing and fulfilling as much as I can on this proposal, and for this project. It's causing a strain (not stress actually) on me each time I think about and work on it. This strain is good, yet I can get irritated. But I'm learning to adjust my thoughts and feelings whenever I feel strained or irritated. I've got to do so, if not, I'll go into depression again. (Guess what? I realised that every 2nd sem of a poly year is horrible for me!)

More and lots to think and consider for going NIE as an option for my future (my next crossroad). My desire is to be a confident lady, who can speak of the Lord's hand, His mercy & grace in my life.

What I don't want to be:
1) an uncaring person
2) an arrogant person
3) the-world-can't-do-without-me person
4) bitchy/"san-ba" woman or what you call "po-fu" in chinese

Lord, help me to be what you want me to be. Take my sins away, and cleanse me. Please...

this? that?

(: you. thoughts. sleep. perfect. (:

unfamiliar places to chill. Maybe Singapore is getting too familiar. Perhaps I need to find new places in Singapore. Anyway, it's not the time of the year to holiday yet. I still have so much to do. I'm feeling suffocated about my project although things are gettiing better. There's really so much to do.

Everyone doesnt seem to care about the project. I thought to myself, 'Maybe I shouldn't bother too..' But that's not the way to go. Since nobody wants to initate, kenny doesnt want to bother, I will do something about it. At least for my own survival sake. I have to find joy, strength and motivation from the Lord to do the project, not from the emotions and attitudes of my group mates. If I try to find motivation from my group mates, I'll probably die out very fast, like now. Hah!

Oh no, I just realised my advanced theory test is tomorrow! I thought it's thursday...

Believe me, I have only finished two weeks of school and I'm already having my one week holiday while the rest of the people in school are having the mid-sem tests. It's both good and bad. Good that I can catch up with some work this week - projects, YPG minutes, Youth Choir relay and many other stuff. Bad because it's hard to pick up the momentum to study with weird breaks like these. I must do good this semester because it's my last semester in poly.

Talking about last semester in poly, I'm troubled at the thought of what to do after I finish school. I don't exactly like crossroads because I have to make decisions. And at each crossroad, the decisions I have to make are getting more and more difficult. Well, I have two options here. First, Candice told me that her dad is willing to offer me a job in his company. He's a director of a logistics company called FreightLink. It's quite a reputable company. But I am hesitant because I dont exactly like going through connections like these. It makes me feel like a loser at times, but yet connections are the ways to go around. I'm also hesitant because I can't decide if I want to continue in the logistic field. My second option is to go into NIE pursuing my second diploma. It seems like a better choice because I get to study and earn money at the same time. I have to decide soon 'cause I will graduate by April, I think.

I think nowadays, young people are disrespectful and rude. Just starting this new year, I have already encountered a couple of such cases. Urgh, I can't say it here because it's confidential. But they should learn to be respectful... sometimes I think the older ones play a part. But like what Jerm said, people might not have learnt disrespectfulness from you but from others, so you are not at blame. So sick! I wish everyone knows what they are doing. Yes, it's that sick because these people come from church. I'm just referring to some people.

Guess what. I threw tantrums during discussion at my 1st tutorial class for one of my modules. I couldn't stand people, asking the tutor questions when they havent even really think about what the tutorial question wants and waiting for answers to drop down from the sky. Worse of all, they are guys. Aren't they supposed to be leaders? Why must I always have to initiate? Knowing the 3 guys' characters - total slackers, I purposely didnt initiate anything. I sulked. Then I started using the computer keyboard and my tutor caught me doing that. He questioned me and told me that I should read the questions and think of answers and not wait for his answers. I told him that "I didnt say I dont know the answer", maybe in a pissed off tone, I didnt take note. By the way, I didnt even ask him to explain anything. It was the other guys. Then after that, he started talking about how good his students' attitudes were after they came back from attachment, however this time he experienced totally different thing. He also commented that some of us in class should not throw tantrums in class. He was obviously referring to me.

Sigh! I blew up my testimony as a Christian and reputation as a good student in school.. I hated myself for doing that. What was I thinking?

In the end, the guys got down to doing real work... and me? I sulked and didnt say a word at my tutorial class.

I did it again. :( I have to stop. I need to dwell on God's word more and let Him take over.
The thing is I know my stand!

I'm getting better from my mood swing.

I'm looking forward to the first prayer meeting of the year tonight! My sis and I are going to start praying together.

Hm, my 2nd sis did a DIY highlighting on my hair last Christmas. It's light ash brown. It took 2 weeks to show the colour, after many washes. I like my hair colour, cos it's not too loud, it's gentle and pretty on me. My sis said that I look less fierce with coloured hair. Heehee.. And it is good cos my hair doesnt tangle.

sigh. life is like that.

dinner at East Coast Seafood, Jumbo Restaurant with pastor mark & pastor mitch. :) good time of fellowshipping. :)