yay! going to batam tmr!! i hope it's going to be a nice trip. but so sad, i'm down with a sore throat, falling sick... i hope i can still sing on sunday. there's a rehearsal! i'm really looking forward to christmas!

yay! ade is back as well! :) i shall see her soon.. on sunday!

i'll blog more when i come back...

oh.. my supp paper is on monday..

it was a great day yesterday. went to church early in the morning to help out in the cleaning. i helped out in the horticulture & rooftop. now, i have green fingers! haha! after the cleaning, we had a good lunch. the food was great! wanted to go for more helpings but i restrained myself from doing so. remember? my healthy diet plan. i want to eat in moderation, not that the food was very oily or unhealthy. :)

After lunch, went to do the taping for last sunday's evening service. blamed myself for not being alert, had to spend abt an hour to do a proper taping so that teacher joanna can do the duplication.

After that, i went shopping with my sis, gerald & juli! for my batam trip! yay! was actually very tired cos of the cleaning. i only managed to get a swimming costume. bought dinner back to juli's house to watch vcd. along the way, picked up mike so that he could watch with us. oh.. we watch National Security. Quite a typical comedy. Suddenly feel that movies are getting boring... but hey hey, my movie date with juli & xian is still on hor!

i have a bumming day, as usual. it's getting pathetic. can't wait to go batam, can't wait for mid-week rehearsals, conference, christmas, gatherings... just to fill up my holiday! but of course, i still have my supp paper. scheduled next week. not sure which day yet.

quite a bit of flashbacks these days. heh heh.. not too bad.. i just miss those times..

boohoo! i'm sorry that i have to start my blog by crying. b..u..t.... but i didn't get to eat my strudel in the end! how sad is that?! so much for wanting to have a healthy diet. but actually, i think it's ok. it's worth it all for a greater purpose! haha!

i think i have grown numb to my results, since it has always been sooo lousy. i really wonder what purpose i have in all these. many has encouraged me yet i am still.... like that. i better find the reason before i embark on the other half of my course.

there are sooooo much thinking to do actually...

helped out at Leslie & Ann's wedding. It was interesting 'cause it was the first time, working with the older AV team. Oh, i worked with Andrew Sim. Wasn't bad. In fact, i didn't have to do much. Basically just set up the mics and lights while andrew drove back to get some stuff. it was a good time of interacting & building up rapport with andrew & of course uncle alvin as well. :)

had a good choir rehearsal just now. also had a good steamboat at home. feeling tired now.... zzzz

When?

when can our actions speak louder than words?
when will we truly reflect God's image?

Lin just came back from perth. Yeppie! Heh heh, not too bad! I managed to clean up her room in one afternoon. We were late when we reached the airport. She was already out for 20 minutes? Haha! Supposedly my fault... :p She brought back apple strudel & nougats. As usual. But they are my favourites, especially apple strudel. Wish I can eat it now, but I can't. I'll eat it tmr morn! :)

Oh, I got back my results. It's within my expectations. I'm thankful that I don't have to take any more supp papers other than the one that I have to. :P

Torn

Grin. if i am not wrong, this is an oldie. used to sing it when karaoke was in the trend. I can only remember the chorus now. Grin. it's only two lines. :P

Torn Between Two Lovers

There are times when a woman has to say what's on her mind
Even though she knows how much it's gonna hurt
Before I say another word, let me tell you "I love you"
Let me hold you close, and say these words as gently as I can
"There's been another man that I've needed and I've loved,
But that doesn't mean I love you less,
And he knows he can't possess me, and he knows he never will,
There's just this empty place inside of me that only he can fill"

(chorus)
Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool
Loving both of you is breaking all the rules
Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool
Loving you both is breaking all the rules

You mustn't think you failed me just because there's someone else
You were the first real love I ever had,
And all the things I ever said
I swear they still are true
For no one else can have the part of me I gave to you

Chorus

Couldn't really blame you if you turned and walked away
But with everything I feel inside, I'm asking you to stay

Chorus

This Little Child

Who would have thought that long ago, so very far away,
A little Child would be born and in a manger laid?
And who would have thought this little Child was born the King of kings;
The Son of just a carpenter, but for whom the angels sing.

And who would have thought that as He grew and with other children played,
This Child with whom they laughed and sang would die for them someday?
And who would have thought this little Child could make a blind man see,
Feed the hungry, make rich the poor and set the sinner free.

Oh, who would have thought this little Child was who the prophets said
Would take away the sins of man and rise up from the dead?

Chorus
Oh I believe and I will always sing,
"This little Child is the King."
Oh, I believe and I will always sing,
"This little Child is the King of kings."

Many years have come and gone, yet this world remains the same.
Empires have been built and fallen, only time has made a change
Nation against nation, brother against brother;
Man so filled with hatred, killing one another;

And over half the world is starving while our banner of decency is torn;
Debating over disarmament, killing children before they're born;
And fools who march to win the right to justify their sin;
Ev'ry nation that has fallen has fallen from within;

Yet in the midst of this darkness, there is hope, a light that burns.
This little Child, the King of kings, someday will return.

Chorus
Oh I believe and I will always sing,
"This little Child is the King."
Oh, I believe and I will always sing,
"This little Child is the King of kings."

And who would have thought this little Child is who the prophets said
Will return to judge the world, the living and the dead?
Oh, can't you see that long ago, so very far away,
This little Child, our only hope, was born a King that day?

Chorus
Oh I believe and I will always sing,
"This little Child is the King."
Oh, I believe and I will always sing,
"This little Child is the King of kings."

This little Child, our only hope,
was born the King, was born the King that day!
Amen!

I went to visit my grandma with my mum in the afternoon. Grandma lives in Tiong Bahru. However, we alighted the NEL mrt train at Outram. We walked quite a distance from Outram Mrt to Tiong Bahru Market. Along the way, there were many traffic lights and zebra crossings to cross. Mum held my hand. I realised it has been a long time since we did that. I mean I'm 18 years old already. Obviously, holding hands has become something that we do not usually do. Obsolete already. Haha! Even if we hold hands, it'll just be across a road. But today, we held for quite a while. I think it's because both of us didn't want to let go yet not telling each other. We just held on. I felt like a little kid all over again. Haha! But something is different. The height. I had to bend forward alittle just to pei he ta.. can't remember the english word to use. It felt wonderful of course.

But happy things don't last long. Mum was upset and stressed for the rest of the day after that...

when i think of the words of the song - Yes I Believe, i just feel that i need to be convicted in what i believe in. CONVICTED - Yes I believe... I BELIEVE! even though the world rises up against me... still be faithful to the choice i have made... determined.. not ashamed... TO LIVE SO THE WORLD WORLD CAN SEE!!!

no reason to lose this confidence in the Lord.. NEVER! assurance.. in the Lord... the Saviour.. not in our own strength & power...

so.. what do i believe in? will i be faithful? determined?

I Believe

If I'm not wrong, this is the theme song for youth conference "Yes I believe". Of course it goes in line with our theme "I believe". So thrilled. Nice song. Go download it and listen! :)

Well, of course, we can meditate on the words of this song as we prepare for youth conference. :)

Yes I Believe

When I said that I would follow
It was with an honest heart
But I didn’t fully understand the cost
Cuz there are saints through out the ages
and there are those today
who show us what it really means to carry the cross
But that only fuels my devotion
No matter what comes I will say

Chorus:
Yes I believe I believe with all that is in me
Yes I believe though the world rises up against me
I will be faithful to the choice I have made
I am determined I will not be ashamed
To live so the whole world can see
That yes I believe

There will never be a reason to lose this confidence
For I have found where my assurance lies
It is not in my own power
but in who my Savior is
and the truth in this conviction
makes me shout to the sky

Chorus:
Yes I believe I believe with all that is in me
Yes I believe though the world rises up against me
I will be faithful to the choice I have made
I am determined I will not be ashamed
To live so the whole world can see
That yes I believe

Oh Yes I believe ooh
He has risen
Yes I believe ooh
We are forgiven
Yes I believe I believe
And one day we’ll see him
And together we’ll say

Yes I believe I believe with all that is in me
Yes I believe though the world rises up against me
I will be faithful to the choice I have made
I am determined I will not be ashamed
To live so the whole world can see
I believe

I believe with all that is in me
Yes I believe though the world rises up against me
I will be faithful to the choice I have made
I am determined I will not be ashamed
Yes I believe I believe oooh

trying my best to write in proper english.

gerald edited my testimony. i realised my english is really lousy. lots of grammatical mistakes and i s*ck at sentence structure. thank God he edited. pastor might just give me "the look" when i hand in my testimony to him. oh, and probably give me special english tuition.

i went for bbq at andrew wong's place today. neither did i talk much or eat much. not in mood, i guess. tired... of thinking and sorting... tired of bumming... :P

hm, nice pair of brothers...

have been a crouch potato these days. feeding myself with food every moment. right now craving for caesar salad with salmon.. *drooling*

oh gosh! i should get down to do something more productive like tidying up the room before lin comes back.. help to do housework. i feel fat.. know should exercise but yet lazy to do so... how?

oh, and my void deck is holding a funeral. duno whether it is a taoist or buddhist one. yesterday they had a big group of pple wearing some black gowns (reminds me of harry potter's). they were chanting away... realised other religions are not lacking in their faith (if u can call it)... i supposed they care for the dead so.. they were so-called praying and chanting for the soul. Right now, nearly 11pm, they are still holding some chanting thing. but different from yesterday. there is cymbals, trumpet-like sound... and a guy "ehhhh"ing away.. doesn't make sense at all. what are they doing? just reminded of a silly "phrase" - how will the dead rest in peace like tht?

i wish i can do sth abt this. but obviously not. probably kill me if i complain.. what to do? singapore is democratic, multi-racial & multi-religion. religion-tolerance... is that what u call it? but i think it's sad... another one who passed away not knowing the Lord and a grp of pple chanting... not knowing the Lord too...

just wondering too.. have all of us forgotten abt our mission, our BIG project... to reach out to pple? oh gosh.. i wonder how's xiao wen... been wanting to drop a sms... i hope she's coping well with her As... hope to see her soon too..

"Writing of one's innermost thoughts on the internet comes with the consciousness of everyone watching or the sheer joy of abandonment and anonymity..."

shld i continue to blog?

There You'll Be (extract)

In my dreams
I'll always see your soul
Above the sky
In my heart
There always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

Perhaps I should be thankful what the Lord has blessed me with.

1) the chance to study in temasek poly, pursuing a diploma tt will have a huge job market next time when I graduate.
2) Bethany - friends I really treasure, pastors & teachers who are always caring, chance to serve in many ministries
3) family - at least I have a complete christian family

Yes.. many a times, I whine & grumble over all these. Why am I in a course I don't exactly like? Why are my family members getting so insensitive towards certain things?

Instead of having all these negative thots, I should be glad... and grateful to the Lord. A heart that gives thanks is what I should seek.

Give Thanks

Give thanks with a grateful heart
Give thanks to the Holy One
Give thanks because He's given
Jesus Christ, His Son

And now, let the weak say 'I am strong'
Let the poor say 'I am rich'
Because of what the Lord has done for us
Give thanks

I should also seek to develop a strong mind and wise up. Growing in faith & maturity is also something I really hope to be doing...

Muggles?

suddenly feel the urge to mug for my MA supp paper. Hee, my urge to mug comes and goes very suddenly. So, i better get down to studying before the urge goes away.

was reading Young People's Corner in church bulletin. Thought it really spoke to me - conquering stress. Indeed, stress can bring despair & it's tough to cope. realised I didn't really seek the Lord as much as I should - going to Him face to face and truly BELIEVE. I realised, even though I tried, I was still using my own strength & wisdom to "remove" this despair/stress. I didn't TRUST...it's scary... all along I thot I sought the Lord & trusted Him, but actually I didnt.. :(

It is a lesson I have to learn. A lesson of trusting... My prayer is that even as I mug for my supp paper, I will have this superman power - the excellence power of God, to overcome whatever negative thoughts I might have...

Trust His Heart

All things work for our good,
Though sometimes we can't see how they could.
Struggles that break our hearts in two
Sometimes blind us to the truth.
Our Father knows what's best for us;
His ways are not our own.
So when your pathway grows dim,
And you just can't see Him,
Remember, you're never alone.

Chorus: God is too wise to be mistaken.
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you don't understand,
When you don't see His plan,
When you can't trace His hand,
Trust His heart.

He sees the master plan.
He holds the future in HIs hands.
So don't live as those who have no hope;
All our hope is found in Him.
We see the present clearly,
But He sees the first and the last.
And like a tapestry,
He's weaving you and me
To someday be just like Him. (chorus)

He alone is faithful and true.
He alone knows what is best for you. (chorus)

I wish upon a star

just finished my block of exams.... glad!

was in nus yesterday... bad feeling... coz i'll nv be able go there as a student of nus for the rest of my life...
at least that's what i think so... terrible results for the past 3 semesters. heard from mike that supp papers r not recognised at all.... i've got this feeling that i'll have to take some part-time degree course from some education centres next time.. i feel like a failure... wish i can start over again.. from sec 4... wish i could go jc.... i feel uncomparable...

wishes only... have to make good what i have now & in future...

I turn to you

just realised that the last time i blogged was sunday...
hm, couldn't go online for the past few days coz phone line couldn't connect & still can't connect...
dont think i'll get to go online for the next few days... until my phone line get fixed...
anyway, right now in nus, archi block, using juli's laptop to check my mailz.. going to start studying soon.

past few papers have been ok...

like this song alot.. by christina aguilera..

I turn to you

When I'm lost, in the rain,
In your eyes I know I'll find the light, to light my way.
When I'm scared, losing ground
When my world is going crazy, you can turn it all around.

And when I'm down you're there pushing me to the top.
You're always there giving me all you've got.

For a shield from the storm
For a friend, for a love
To keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong;
For the will to carry on;
For everything you do;
For everything that's true,
I turn to you.

When I lose the will to win,
I just reach to you and I can reach the sky again.
I can do anything,
'Cause your love is so amazing;
'Cause your love inspires me.

And when I need a friend, you're always on my side;
Giving me faith taking me through the night

For a shield, from the storm
For a friend; for a love
to keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong;
For the will to carry on;
For everything you do;
I turn to you.

For the arms to be my shelter through all the rain;
For truth that will never change;
For someone to lean on;
For a heart I can rely on through anything;
For that one who I can run to

For a shield from the storm;
For a friend; for a love
To keep me safe and warm,
I turn to you.
For the strength to be strong;
For the will to carry on;
For everything you do
For everything that's true;

For everything you do;
For everything that's true,
I turn to you.

You are my all in all

Teacher Deonna was sharing this song for SS1 chairing today... and i thought it spoke to me... especially about what i went thru last friday as well as what i will need to seek for the coming week.

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I am dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name

if anyone of u was thinking where i was during morn worship.. hehez.. i was on AV duty morn worship... thot things would be bad... but it turned out real ez.. had fun.. looking forward to next week's...



a picture paints a thousand words......

p.s. jerm is reading my blog.. finally.. say HI to jermaine!
"Hhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!"

If we hold on together

dedicating it to you... :)



Don't lose your way
With each passing day
You've come so far
Don't throw it away
Live believing
Dreams are for weaving
Wonders are waiting to start
Live your story
Faith hope and glory
Hold to the truth in your heart

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

Souls in the winds
must learn how to bend
Seek out a star
Hold on to the end
Valley, mountain
There is a fountain
Washes our tears all away
Words are swaying
Someone is praying
Please let us come home to stay

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
Where clouds roll by
For you and I

When we are out there
In the dark
We'll dream about the sun
In the dark
We'll feel the light
Warm our hearts
Everyone

If we hold on together
I know our dreams will never die
Dreams see us through to forever
As high as souls can fly
The clouds roll by
For you and I

Fresh new day

Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning; Great is Thy faithfulness. -Lamentations 3:22

wanna start a fresh new day of the month with the Lord. :)